listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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