This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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