I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize