dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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