dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
