I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
