seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
