Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
