How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
