I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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