Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
