Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
