I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
