She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
