i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
