I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
