is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
