3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
