Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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