Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
