And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
