upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
