i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
