FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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