I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
