i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
