he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
