You're completely useless in the revolution.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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