He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
where are my eyebrows?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
