that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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