I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
