spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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