i was born a porn star she said
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
two words: eviction party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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