I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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