Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize