i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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