Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
