I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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