Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize