I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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