Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
