things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
