four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
