New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
