I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
