just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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