I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
