I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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