I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
