he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
