if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
