did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
