I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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