sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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