So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
