I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
