if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my sisters under your porch take her home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
