Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
