just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
