I think my fart just growled at me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
