we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
