woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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