question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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