if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
