I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
