How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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