well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
