my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
