You're so nebulous sometimes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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