We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
