In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
