ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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