Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I could fuck to npr.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
