I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
