even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
